(title shout-out to you, V!)

I am terrified that someone will find this blog and it will be the end of the world. The mom, friends of the mom, certain family members, my stepson… The end. Good night.

I’m obviously not the only stepparent who feels like I have to keep this shit air-tight. The approval process and ban list for stepchicks made me see how serious some of these efforts are. I can sort of see why. A lot of divorced parents are involved in ongoing legal battles and custody arguments and I’ve heard of cases where posts to social media have been used in court.

But I get the feeling that most stepparents are just terrified of the end of the world.

I don’t have an accurate read on how it would actually go if someone… unfortunate… read through all of this. Have I even said anything that terrible or unreasonable or even that… unexpected?


Being a parent is hard. We know this because we hear it all the time. We hear it all the time because most people do not have any trouble talking honestly about why and how it is hard, and no one really blames parents for talking about it because it’s all something we accept as true. It’s hard, and it sucks sometimes. Parents can say that. Stepparents cannot.

I keep thinking of the story Drew Magary wrote for Deadspin last year and which I now believe is part of his memoir, Someone Could Get Hurt. It’s just so perfectly written.

Can you imagine if a stepparent wrote that? I mean, I can think of dozens of reasons why a stepparent would never be in that particular position, but let’s just say for the sake of argument…

Torches and pitchforks.

Is it because people know that, no matter how much we care for them, we may never have have the unconditional love that balances most parents? Maybe they can tell that we don’t, and it makes them uncomfortable. Maybe they know. Maybe it’s that uncomfortable fact that they want to burn at the stake.


In other news, I’m finally reading Stepmonster. Of course it’s fantastic. I may never need to write about this again.


Image credit: Ben Skinner


5 thoughts on “so much for anonymity

  1. Hi five back ‘atcha!

    I don’t think it’s quite that we’re not the fount of unconditional love. I think there are some weird assumptions about stepparents that mean every time a stepparent says anything that MIGHT suggest that you’re less than thrilled with your stepchild, you are seen as evil incarnate. I don’t really get it, because people tolerate complaints from teachers about other peoples’ children, and no one ever says to teachers, “Well, you chose this.” Frankly, I had more control over behavior and building relationships with the kids in my classroom, and I got PAID for that gig– I didn’t have money taken from me because of teaching.


  2. The only way for people to get a true understanding of how it feels to be a step-parent – is if step parents write about it truthfully. Don’t be shy. Fight back against what we’re allowed to say!


  3. I can completely identify with you, but the beautiful part of writing is that it doesn’t have to be truthful. Sometimes situations that we write about as stepparents are, and other times they may be embellished or altered for humor or for protection. There’s nothing wrong with writing what you feel. I’ve written about my step family and am very careful because as you said, sometimes someone “in the picture” may find our blogs. But the truth is, my writing changes based on topic and if someone find it, so be it. This is our outlet and our therapy. :)


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