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The chances of our union surviving were arguably in the realm of the hypothetical.

….says Wednesday Martin, author of Stepmonster, a book that I have not read.

But I read the excerpt last night. I read the hell out of it.

Because we have the risk factors she describes: a woman without children marrying a man with children from a previous relationship. Arguably in the realm of the hypothetical.

Yesterday I read another hypothetical statement from a [not-even-divorced] mother who mused on what it would be like to have a stepmother in the picture.

Here’s a summary: IT WOULD BE PRETTY SHITTY!

The stepmom who didn’t yet even exist was put in an unfair position. She was damned before she even hit the scene.

I get why a mom doesn’t want a stepmom around her kids. Even without factoring in the primitive emotional mama-bear stuff, it’s complicated and difficult and cumbersome. And it’s not just the mom who feels this way – it seems to hit on the insecurities of every other mom on the playground, too. It’s emotional and scary.

But for the stepmom who comes on the scene relatively innocent it means starting a marriage, which is hard enough as it is, two laps behind and with the wind in her face. Loving a man with children is punishing. Marrying one is woah nelly (hi, husband, I love you). So when someone does step up to this impossible role, I wish everyone could be a little more generous.

And remember that no little girl dreams of being a stepmom some day.

 

Art credit: Jennifer Davis

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2 thoughts on “the realm of the hypothetical

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